Are you stuck for status update ideas? Want to make your facebook friends laugh? Get their attention by posting one of these funny, witty and clever statuses. You’ll be sure to get loads of likes and comments on your facebook status when you post of these funny status updates!

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Constipated people just don’t give a crap.

There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

Marriage isn’t a word, it’s a sentence.

is wondering how blind people dream.

is wondering why a “fat chance” and a “slim chance” mean the same thing.

has just received an email saying I’ve won the Nigerian lottery!!! Oh, wait…

is wondering if you can cry under water?

is wondering why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called rush hour.

is wondering what a male ladybug is called.

Mary had a little lamb, and… the midwife fainted!

my computer just beat me at chess… but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

put your hands up if you think I’m crazy… think again who’s the one sticking their hand up in front of the computer?

if you cant laugh at yourself, I’ll be happy to do it for you.

used to have no life. Now I have a laptop and Facebook!

No I didn’t trip… the floor looked like it needed a hug.

Quitting Facebook is the new, adult version of running away from home. We all know you’re doing it for attention and we all know that you’ll be back.

Forgetting an email attachment is the 21st century’s version of licking an envelope shut and then realizing you forgot to put the letter inside.

OMG guys!! I’m so happy!! The doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!

is such a fabulous cook, even the smoke alarm is cheering me on.

In the Beginning, God made the Heaven and Earth. The rest was Made in China.

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

I dream of a better tomorrow… where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

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